The REAL Story of the Two Blue Istari
by Glorfindel's Girl
Summary: So, have you ever wondered what happened to the two blue wizards? For the first time, I have published in full their incredible story! This is proof that truth is stranger - and funnier - than fiction! Accept no immitations, this is the real deal!


The Real Story of What Happened to the Two Blue Istari  
  
  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters in the story. They belong to J.R.R. Tolkein and Hanna-Barbera (I think, at least). Anyways, I'm just a poor student, so it really would not be worth your time to sue me. All you'd get would be some Tolkein books (which you probably already have), a Sarah Brightman poster, a scraggly cat named Kamadake, a hideous orange blanket, and a pair of fluffy bunny slippers. ^_^  
  
*This is just a bit of random silliness that my friend Dameon and I came up with. What can I say? It was late, and we were tired! *  
  
Once upon a time, there were two Blue Istari named Alatar and Pallando. Unfortunately for them, however, they really, really sucked at being wizards. So, they were forced to earn a living by working birthday parties, church carnivals, and the like. But they weren't very good at that either. How bad, you ask? Well, there was the time when Alatar was suppposed to pull a bunny out of her hat, and she ended up pulling out a Balrog. The damn thing went haywire, and ended up burning the town to the ground. Nobody got hurt, (well, nobody but Alatar, that is), but the town was thoroughly ruined. The balrog would have made an even bigger mess had not some bystander named Glorfindel Something-or-Other acted quickly, tripped the balrog, and pushed it off a cliff.  
  
Ever hear the story of the Fall of Gondolin? Yep, thought so. Well, let me let you in on a little secret. IT NEVER HAPPENED! The whole thing was just a cover-up because everyone was too damn embarrassed to admit that their town was destroyed by a cheap magic trick gone wrong. By the way, Glorfindel was not injured, but (being rather full of himself) insisted that it would make the story better if he said he was killed in an epic battle against the horrid creature.  
  
Well, when the citizens of the town finally caught up with Alatar, she was promptly tarred, feathered, and run off the mountain on a rail. What about Pallando, you may be asking? Well, you don't even want me to get into Pallando's infamous "sawing the Elf maiden in two" trick.  
  
Well, after this dynamic duo got chased out of their thirty-second village by an angry mob brandishing torches and pitchforks, they decided it was probably time to give up the trade. So they retired quietly, and moved into a lovely enchanted forest. Now don't think that their adventure ends here! Oh, no! This is where the real fun begins!  
  
One fine day, Alatar and Pallando were taking a relaxing stroll through the enchanted forest. Pallando, being the complete idiot that he was, was not paying attention to where he was going, and he ran straight into a boulder that even a blind man could have seen in the path, knocking himself flat on his back. Poor Alatar could not control herself, and she burst out in great peals of laughter. Needless to say, when Pallando finally figured out which way was up, he was quite irked at Alatar, but mostly he was angry at the insolent boulder that had the gall to block his path. He pulled out his wand, and pointed it at the boulder.  
  
"Accursed boulder!" he cried. "You have insulted Pallando the Blue! Now feel my wrath!" with that he shook his wand violently at the boulder, in a vain attempt to kill it. Alatar burst out laughing again, which earned her a dark look from Pallando.  
  
"Pallando," she began gently, knowing that he was a complete idiot, "I don't think the boulder cares if you kill it, on the account that it is NOT EVEN ALIVE!!!!!!!!" she finished loudly. Pallando, glared at her.  
  
"Do not be ridiculous, Alatar!" he said. "Of course the boulder is not alive! I have killed it with my powerful magic. For I am Pallando, Pallando the BLUE!!!" he yelled, raising his wand into the air. But something unexpected happened. At the moment he yelled the word "BLUE", his wand belched out an enormous quantity of smoke, completing obscuring him from Alatar's view. When the smoke cleared, Alatar burst into laughter, tears streaming down her face.  
  
Pallando was standing there, looking quite irate. He was completely blue from head to toe, except for his hair, which was white (as it had always been). He was not happy.  
  
"Well, you said that you were Pallando the Blue!" gasped Alatar, managing to control herself. This of course did nothing to improve Pallando's mood. He shook his wand at Alatar and yelled, "How dare you belittle Pallando the Blue!" Unfortunately, he had his wand pointed backward, and it belched out a great could of smoke yet again.  
  
When the smoke cleared, Alatar thought at first that Pallando had disappeared. After a second, though, she realized that she wasn't quite that lucky. Pallando was standing exactly where he was before his wand belched smoke, but he was now three inches tall. This was simply too much for poor Alatar. She fell on the ground, rolling with laughter.  
  
Pallando was really, really, really angry now. He turned his wand around the correct way, pointed it at Alatar, and yet another cloud of smoke covered them. When it cleared, Pallando saw that Alatar was now three inches tall and blue from head to toe (well, except for her blonde hair). She was NOT pleased. She glared at Pallando, and crossed her arms over her chest.  
  
"Congratulation." She said. "You finally got a spell right."  
  
That evening found the two in the local pub, still three inches tall and blue. Despite Pallando's best efforts, he could not restore either himself or Alatar to their former selves. They were both sitting on a table, Alatar drinking ale out of a thimble. It was apparent that she had had a bit more to drink than was good for her.  
  
"You complete idiot!" she said, slurring her words horribly. "You see what you've done to me? I can't even enjoy a proper pint!" She shook her thimble of ale at Pallando, sloshing liquid down the sides. She lowered the thimble and took another long drink.  
  
When she had finished the thimble-full, she set her gaze on Pallando again, (no easy task, considering that she saw three of him.)!  
  
"You are one.." She then attempted to call Pallando a Stupid Mother Fu...Wait, you get the idea. But unfortunately, her words were slurred so badly that it came out as, "You are one schmurff." Pallando straightened up.  
  
"What? Did you just call me a Smurf?" Alatar shook her head.  
  
"No, idiot. I meant to say Stupid Mother Fu.." But Pallando cut her off.  
  
"You know, Alatar, that has kind of a nice ring to it! Smurf...Yes, you know, I think I like that better than Istari!" Alatar shook her head. She did not like where she thought this was going. Pallando stood up on the table, but no one paid any mind (remember, he WAS only three inches tall).  
  
"Here ye!" He yelled. "I am Pallando the Blue!" he exclaimed. "I have an announcement to make!" A few heads turned in his direction. "My partner Alatar and I were up until this point known as the Istari! But that is no more! Yes, we have devised a new name for ourselves! All who hear it will tremble before us, and their hearts will be filled with terror and awe at our incredible power! All will tremble before the almighty power of the SMURFS!!!" With that, he sat back down, to many a confused and amused stare. Alatar shook her head again.  
  
"Illuvatar help us all!" she muttered, before promptly passing out.  
  
  
  
THE END!!!!!!  
  
*Well, what do you think? Review and tell me! ^_^* 


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